john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
