I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
