My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize