He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
