sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
