how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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