the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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