So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
