It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
