I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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