im about as happy as oj after his trial
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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