i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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