the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
