you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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