Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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