i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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