If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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