And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
