Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
