you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
