We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
