No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They have beer where we have blood.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
