so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
