I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i love accidental penises.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
