It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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