he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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