I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
