Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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