Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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