Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they're like a gay fantastic four
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
