Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
did you just send me my own nude
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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