I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
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Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"