I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!