and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday