so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things