I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
