Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
