I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
