My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
