she woke up with a sticky ear
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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