So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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