Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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