Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
