just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
