Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
