sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
