i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
