he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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