I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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