I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
