k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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