Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
