I'm pants shitting drunk right now
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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