dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
