You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
