Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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