I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
