I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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