Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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