i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize