I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
