I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
