Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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