I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
