Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
