The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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