So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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