Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize