Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize