i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
