My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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