Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
