I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
