I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
