oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize