Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
