I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
