So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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