I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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