Church boner. Awkwardddd
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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