We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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