I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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